Pet Peeves and Guilty Pleasures

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So, it’s the weekend after a quake in Netta Land registering oh, about a 6 out of 10 on the Netta Scale. Not horrendous, but still enough to cause fissures and some foundation-altering events. I’ve been trying to de-stressify and take it easy — you know, when you become older you don’t bounce back like you did when you were 20. I think I’m on the right track, and that’s a good thing.

In the meantime, I’ve come up with some Pet Peeves and Guilty Pleasures along the way I thought I’d share.

1. Pet Peeve: Commercials for a certain anti-depressive drug. You know the one: “Where does depression hurt? Everywhere.”  (No shit, Sherlock.)  “Who does depression hurt? EVERYONE.”

Well, pardon me, but isn’t depression bad enough, you have to add the guilt of HURTING EVERYONE to your depressive resume? Not to mention the list of possible side effects are not at all appealing, making me more likely to stick my head in a toxic waste dump than take this (seemingly) innocuous little pill that is designed to make all things better.

2. Guilty Pleasure: “Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde”.

Yes, it is a stupid and silly movie. Yes, I realize it’s about as far from a true picture of Washington as Sarah Palin is far from being qualified for Vice-Presidential office. Discuss.

3. Pet Peeve: The AIG bailout.

Not once, but TWICE these phucktards have been GIVEN our tax money to bail out their excesses. The result? First there was the spa visit, now there’s a  $90,000 hunting trip on the tab. I can’t tell you how incredibly pissed off this makes me. I know people who are barely scraping by that work harder than anyone on the AIG staff and THEY don’t get spa treatments or hunting trips. I’d like to design a special “Spa and Hunting” retreat for the AIG people — something that includes barbed wire, hot dogs for breakfast, lunch and dinner and some volunteer work at homeless shelters. Maybe some colon cleansing — with Pine Sol.

4. Guilty Pleasure: Compulsively watching “Dancing With The Stars”.

Shut up. It is totally mind-numbing, has no effect at all on the state of the economy, our position in Iraq or the fact 45 million Americans do not have health care. For three hours a week, I don’t think about those things, I’m more concerned with how much weight Cheryl Burke has put on and how strangely hawt Len Goodman is. So sue me.

5. Pet Peeve:  Madonna.

I used to be a big fan of hers in the 80’s. I thought she was bold, fearless and a force of nature. Now, I’m just sick and tired of seeing her in the news. She looks like the Cryptkeeper. Someone needs to feed that woman a sandwich, and she needs to stop whoring herself out there. I don’t care about her divorce or what child she’s planning on kidnapping from another country or her fake British accent. You’re OVER, Madge. Hang it up already!

6. Guilty Pleasure: Britney Spears.

She could fit in either category, frankly, but the truth is she’s Trailer Trash, and I’m pulling for her to get her shiz together and start acting like a functioning human. For the sake of her kids, more than anything else, but to also inspire the rest of us Trailer Trash Queens there is more to life than flashing our naked cootchies and having Major Emotional Breakdowns leading us to shaving our heads and drinking too much caffiene.

7. Pet Peeve: People whom I have never heard of wanting to be my friend on Facebook.

No email, no introduction, just an announcement “I want to be your friend.” Why? Jeez, you don’t have to buy me dinner or anything, but at least tell me who you are and why you want to hook up. Tell me how fabulous I am, or how you appreciate my tastelessness in pop culture — gimme something to work with here. Friend ettiquette has been blown to crap on the interwebz, and I doth protest mightily.

That’s it, at least for now. Life is all about Pet Peeves and Guilty Pleasures, and at this time I look forward to both. They are the salt and pepper in my life, and what’s life without a little spice?

Feel free to unload a Pet Peeve or Guilty Pleasure — I’m interested to see what spices YOUR life.

Heh.

Tags: Guilty pleasure, Pet peeve