Shaking Out

Image by McBeth via Flickr

*Author’s note: Another cross-post.

well, that was my LYB’s idea, that we all hook up one last time.

Baby Sissy and my BIL had to head out tonight. the five of us have not been all together since christmas, and before that, it had been years. i know Momma really enjoyed seeing us yukking it up and zinging each other. we took turns, when she went in the house, sitting with her, because sometimes her legs don’t hold her up.

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everyone was cool. to be honest, i don’t remember much of the conversations; it was surreal, through a veil, almost.

it’s hard to describe.

i love my sunglasses.

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Baby Sissy held it together until she hugged Momma goodbye. if it was just tears, i wouldn’t have said anything, but i heard her sobbing and barked out, “Big Girl Pants! Big Girl Pants!” and she got her shit together.

i know it’s the last time, babygirl.

i know.

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the shower was a lot of fun. i played with a baby, and got to know the girl who threw the shower a little better. she is so sweet, and she really put together a fun time. it was a lovely shower. we decorated onsies, and played a couple of games. the food was excellent, and everyone had a good time.

it was small and intimate; the people the GC works with are some of the kindest i’ve ever met. that’s my undoing, you know. the kindness.

Momma stayed for almost the whole thing, but i could tell what an effort it was, how much it was costing her, and how much joy she got from the whole thing.

when she left, i hugged her and she said, “I’m so glad I came,” and i said, “I am too. Now, enough.”

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i was right. i don’t have my job.

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i asked Momma if it was easier if i stayed close.

she thought about it for a few long moments.

“I’d rather you stay with the GC.”

done. i’m here till the end of the week. maybe longer. at this point, i’m just doing one day at a time. sometimes, one minute.

****

no worries. it’ll all shake out the way it’s supposed to.

Tags: momma